Walls

I heard this song back when Friday Night Lights was coming back (in the summer - I don't even watch the show, but the song they played with the trailer caught my attention) and at the time I felt a real connection to the message. Check it out.

To me it has real relevance to where I am in life and in my weight loss journey.  I have put up walls between me and my family, my friends and pretty much everyone - to keep me safe from being rejected.  Those walls are fat.  It's easier to be shunned because of weight than to be rejected because they don't like who I am, which I have slowly started to accept who I am, my personalitiy, likes, dislikes and just be me.  I have had a hard time all my life NOT being accepted...moving senior year of high school didn't really help much and as weird as this sounds, it's become kind of a default - when I don't feel accepted in a particular place, I'd rather move than keep trying to become accepted and finding new people to hang out with who can appreciate all my quirks and flaws.  I had a really hard time with that here. When I initially moved here, I had a hard time fitting in with the singles group and so I eventually stopped going and interacting with people.  I have a really bad habit of letting past events dictate who I am, who I become and what I do, instead of getting over it and learning from it. 

So how does it relate to my weight? I use past rejection to keep myself stuck and not work out. (granted part of it is I HATE to feel pain, although I heard a quote that pain is what shows you that you're alive...still trying to wrap my head around that one...and another that what other people think about you is none of your business...think on that!! ) But mostly, it's accepting myself no matter my size, color, style, relationship status or whatever; using my strengths and not letting my weakness get the best of me.  While my weight loss may not be as dramatic as I'd like it to be, I'm making the changes that will last throughout the rest of my life and gaining tools that I can pass on to my kids (someday!) and other people who are struggling with their weight.