Sometimes you don't know what you've lost till you see someone else find it.

Ok so we all know that I'm addicted to junk food, books and Bob and Jillian.  Tonight on Losing it with Jillian the lady on it really opened my eyes to how I've been living my life and how I've given up.  When she broke down she said she didn't have anything else left to give - the house was a wreck and she had given up.  After a talk with one of my good friends I realized that I had given up but I wasn't exactly sure how to go back to actually living.  But hearing this woman say she had nothing left to give made me realize that's how I have been ever since I moved here, I don't open up to people because I feel I have nothing to give, nothing to bring to the table because my past relationship experience drained me of any feeling - including loving and caring for myself.  I know its about taking one step at a time, setting small goals, dealing ACTUALLY dealing with the emotion, the feeling, the pain, the hurt that relationship caused me and finding other outlets to LIVE my life - singing on the praise team has been a big one, studying for the GRE has been another - giving myself a dream and goal and striving to achieve it.  Its going to take time but I have to realize its a journey - there is no finish line - these changes I make I am trying to make for life.