Everything we do we do for a reason. We get some sort of payoff from it. For instance: when I eat junk food or stuff that isn't good for me, the payoff I get is control. When I avoid responsibility (cleaning my room, doing a budget) the payoff I get is control once again - doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Both of these are feel good payoffs. If I wanted a real good payoff- I would eat what I should, exercise (push myself more), clean my room and not procrastinate.
I have been house sitting this weekend for my friends from Pathways. She said I could help myself to whatever food they had. I opened the cabinet and I was immediately met with processed food - packaged rice, candies, chocolate, processed sugar, cheese, fatty foods, fried foods and incredibly unhealthy stuff. The more I ate, the worse I felt. It was incredible how automatic those reactions to food were - if it was available I wanted it - no matter what my body was telling me. She didn't have leashes or anything for her dogs (if she did, she didn't tell me where they were) so walking the dogs was out of the question. So the only thing to do was to sit in front of the TV. Don't get my wrong, I love them to death, but as far as my health is concerned, I just couldn't do it. I wanted to make healthy alternatives with what they had but it was HARD! I came home today to fish in the freezer, whole grain waffles, no refined sugar or processed foods - nothing. It was an eye opening experience for me to know what my autopilot is and to know how little discipline I actually have when it comes to eating. But the great thing is that tomorrow is a new day- I can pick myself back up again and keep moving forward.
I want the real good payoff and the real good result - more energy, better hair, better skin, loose fitting clothes, more activity, more mobility, more flexibility, a guarantee (sort of) that I will be here and that my weight and health problems will not keep me from living my life and achieving my dreams.
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